career | predictions of failure

via death to stock

When I have an idea for a blog post, I make a note of it on my phone. Today, out of curiosity, I scrolled all the way to the bottom. There it said:

Fine Arts Speech for new entrants last week: Gave examples of how I am still in the arts field - though I graduated three years prior. So scared that being pregnant means that no one in this field will hire me now. My insistence on working in the arts will fail - but not for lack of trying. 

Here's the thing - that's exactly how it went down. I would love to say that my worries amounted to nothing and that I found my dream job as a curator while seven months pregnant. Instead, from September 2013 to January 2015 I applied for almost 50 jobs. I received two interviews and one part-time position at a gallery I had worked at before, in a role I had done before (lesser actually, than the level I left at). I didn't know if I would ever see the light at the end of this search.

That's awkward for me to write. It makes me feel useless, and unworthy. So let's look at the variables - what was different from before when I was able to find jobs I loved?

I was in a new location.
I was pregnant.
I had a newborn.

That being said, it's not like I was advertising these facts in my cover letter. I wonder sometimes if maybe I wasn't trying that hard because of the latter two. But I was! I was nervous about how I would make it work, but I wanted each of those positions equally, and with gusto.

I've just begun work with an amazing organization called Craft Ontario. They enhance the visibility of contemporary craft for their members and create engaging events that invite the public to explore craft. It's a contract position in which I plan their annual craft show and fundraiser. I could hug them for seeing how capable I am and how perfect this position is for me.

I don't think I'll ever figure out what happened in the last year and a half (career wise, though I'm still trying to figure out babies). Luckily I had my work for Ted Harrison, my paper shop, and a lengthy stint of support from the government. Hopefully this new position leads to new and wonderful things for me - because if I've learned anything during this time at home; it's that having creative projects is an absolute must for me - something else I predicted correctly.

baby | (a less obvious) must haves list

when we were tasked with the challenge of becoming parents, we tried to prepare as best we could. i read one thousand and one "must have" lists in order to figure out what we would really need. of course what works for someone else might not for another (case in point: we are so relieved we only spent $15 on a cute ikea trash bin rather than $100 on the diaper genie sort that requires specialty bags. it's doing the job just fine). so i took my research with a grain of salt.

most of the lists i encountered included really obvious and necessary things (like a crib! turns out, not actually a necessity), others included extravagent products (wipes warmer). some had bouncers and exersaucers (yikes plastic city!) and still more listed a rocking chair or glider as the end all be all (which, through a series of emails with a pregnant friend, it occured to me it is not).

i'll leave those decisions up to you.

what i will provide you with is a list of not so obvious baby gear essentials. i will clarify that these were must haves for us and our newborn. they may not be for you, but at least it will get you thinking beyond diapers and wipes.

one | receiving/swaddle blankets
we use these for everything! this is maybe one of the more obvious items on the list but for those women who are still pregnant i would like to emphasize how important they are. yes, they are for swaddling. they are also for keeping warm. and for supporting body parts in carseats. and laying over couches and chairs that may have scratchy material. but the number one use for us? we fold them in half and lay them length wise under baby's head. because babies spit up...a lot...all the time. we lay the blankets in beds, on couches and in cribs. this saves us from having to wash bed sheets, crib sheets or scrub couch cushions. buy a pretty one as a photo backdrop, and then stock up on cheaper ones like these.

two | twenty thousand burp cloths
ok, maybe just twenty. but for real, i mean twenty. we go through these at a rate that rivals diapers. we received a pack of three burp cloths at our shower and so i mentally checked it off my list. little did i know that three would last about half a day! three times we trekked to the store to purchase more burp cloths (and so that being said, i love these soft carter's ones but haven't tried much else). you want it to be absorbent (sometimes it feels like the baby spits up everything he just ate!) and you'll want them to be long as well. even if you don't burp your baby over your shoulder, when you're carrying him in places other than your own home, you'll want the protection because you don't have the luxury of changing five times. oh, and the reason you want so many is the smell and the wetness. one good spit up and you won't want that thing anywhere near you! that, and you need one in every room of the house each day. you don't want to have to go running to where you nursed last every time they throw up.

three | large absorbent washcloths

let me clarify: i am not referring to those teeny tiny baby washcloths that you will receive one million of (for the record, you'll need four-six of those at most. it's been three months and i haven't nearly reached the bottom of the pile we were gifted). what i'm referring to is 12 x 12 fluffy cloths like these ones. they will be used at the change station for two purposes: to clean up pee and spit up. for our little boy, we just lay the cloth over his privates while we clean his bum. it has caught the arc of pee many times! it's my understanding girls pee during changing too and although it won't be caught as neatly, you'll still need something to wipe her down with. and babies spit up on the change pad. all the time! so we use a different white cloth to clean that up.

four | boxes of kleenex

while it's probably not the most environmentally friendly, we keep a box of kleenex at our change station. sometimes we use it to catch the aforementioned spit up. but mostly we use it to create a dry bum. sometimes you just don't have all today to let it air dry. and let's be honest, you're taking a big risk with a naked baby and no diaper protection (we learned this the hard way). so after wiping (not for pees, sometimes we don't do anything during those changes), we grab a kleenex and dry him down. wetness is apparently the cause of diaper rash so the kleenex helps to solve this. also: boogies.

five | honest balm
probably any brand will do for the rest of these items but here i'm going to specifically recommend honest co. organic healing balm. it's for scratches, burns and diaper rash. it's an oily yellow cream and we have done scientific tests against sudafed and zincofax diaper rash ointments and honest balm works every time. okay, they weren't scientific. but basically we pad a white cream on and nothing happens. we put honest balm on and the issue is fixed within two or less diaper changes!

six | gel cold packs

i've tried and tried to find a super mini cooler but haven't had any luck. even the lunchbox style ones are too big. we have a version of this in the side of our diaper bag but it only holds one bottle and no ice pack. basically what i want to be able to do is pack 1-3 bottles and one cold pack in a pouch. this way i can fit it in the diaper bag and transport the liquid gold safely to grandma's house. we use a gel pack that was kindly given to me at the hospital when my jaw was acting up back in september ("sorry ma'am, you being pregnant means you can't have any of the drugs that will make you feel better, but here's an ice pack."). it's perfect because it melds itself around the bottles and doesn't take up much extra room in the plastic zip pouch. 

seven | dry erase marker / china pencil

i keep a stock of expressed milk in the fridge. jon uses it to give the baby a bottle, or to take to a family member's house. i like to know when the milk was made so that it doesn't expire. sometimes we also need to bring multiple bottles to the sitter's house and i want them to know which one to use first in case they don't need them all. hence, the pens. we use a dry erase for the bottles in our fridge, but since that is liable to rub off in transit, i use a china/wax/grease pencil to mark it when the bottle leaves the house. i sound like a crazy mommy here don't i? expiration dates are just very important to me - and although breast milk is pretty awesome in its lack of bacteria, it does expire (you can safely store breast milk 6-8 hours at room temperature, 6-8 days in the fridge, 6-8 months in the freezer).

eight | pacimal
my mom is a neonatal nurse and she discovered the pacimal from one of the moms in her ward. essentially it's a pacifier but with a big stuffed animal attached. i know, it seems counterintuitive right? but babies spit out pacifiers all the time - often on the floor. the pacimal can be positioned to stick around, even once it's spit out. my favourite hack is putting jackson in the bjorn baby bouncer and tucking his pacimal under the straps. there's other versions of this product but it's the same idea.

nine | a fan

there are one hundred and one reasons to have a fan when you have a baby. here's three:
cuddling and nursing babies gets hot. it helps the air to circulate in the sleeping room. it creates white noise which babies love.

ten | stain remover

rubbing the sullied clothes with water and baby detergent and leaving them to soak works too, but it's more time consuming so try this. you will find yourself using it often, especially if you want to keep those cute clothes cute.

eleven | water bottle with straw

let's just say, you will be doing a lot of things one handed. and since you're supposed to drink a ton of water after you give birth (especially if you are breastfeeding), having a water bottle with a straw component is key. some of my warmest memories of the early days are jon filling my bottle with ice cold water and feeding it to me while i tried to nurse jackson (something else he wouldn't have been able to do without the straw). because of the frustration and baby+mama heat making combo, i was boiling hot. it not only gave me the fluids i needed, it cooled me down mentally and physically.

twelve | nursing bras

i know, another obvious one right? i bought one soft nursing bra, and one fancy underwire for "going out." and those were pretty expensive! since then, i have bought four more inexpensive sports bras with "easy access." you don't have to wear a bra if you don't want, but sometimes it's necessary (leaking, snee, greeting people, the sheer weight of them!). so pick yourself up a number of these if you are breastfeeding (most of them will be in the laundry most of the time).

thirteen | patience.
oh, and a bottle brush. bottles and nipples are impossible to clean without one. 

baby | bloggers to follow

image via using diana app

when i found out i was pregnant last summer, i knew i wanted a lot of advice from other mothers. the catch was... i didn't necessarily want it in person, and i didn't want the pressure of having to respond. coincidentally, many of the bloggers i had been following for some time, such as kathleen, savannah and elise, were now pregnant and navigating newborns as well. although these women don't know me from eve, to me they feel like old friends! and the best part is perusing he comment sections because mothers and pregnant women all over the world use the opportunity to chime in. doing research on a topic is all well and good, but it has been incredibly helpful to read twenty or thirty comments from different people on subjects such as morning sickness, gender, baby gear and breastfeeding.

there were other bloggers whom i started to follow purely because they were pregnant. and some, like emily, tristan, jo and bonnie have blogs i fell in love with for other reasons as well.

all of these women* have different approaches to pregnancy, and different journeys. some planned home births, some ended up having a caesarean (planned and unplanned). one thing they all seem to have in common is that they are strong, creative woman, many of whom have small businesses and work from home.

emily hendersen from style by emily henderson

pregnancy and baby charlie

jenny highsmith from jenny highsmith / maiedae

pregnancy

baby rowan

savannah wallace from maiedae

pregnancy and baby soren

bonnie christine from going home to roost

pregnancy

baby bear

tristan b from besotted blog

pregnancy and baby elle

ravyn stadick from the oregon tale

pregnancy

baby alba

kathleen shannon from and kathleen

pregnancy

bebe fox

elise blaha cripe from enjoy it

pregnancy

baby ellerie

joanna goddard

pregnancy 

babies toby and anton

and of course, my own blog posts!

kaitlyn patience from isavirtue

pregnancy

baby jackson

*i also love all of the names they chose for their children! is there a rule that well known bloggers have to pick unique names...like celebrities?

pregnancy 1.5 | anxiety

i want to talk about anxiety. mainly because it's a feeling i've been trying to avoid for about a month now (before that i spent eight months just trying to convince myself i was pregnant). i actually had a weird bout of it back in february but it didn't feel related to the impending labour...it felt like more of a general overall anxiety. we were away for a long weekend getaway at the time so maybe i was just subconsciously nervous about being away from home.

when it comes to me + upcoming events, i always put more pressure and emphasis on the waiting then the actual event. dinner parties, job interviews, dentist appointments, exhibition openings...even if it's nothing to be nervous about and my mind is at ease, my body tells me otherwise and i'm always full of butterflies beforehand.

when it comes to pregnancy though, i knew i couldn't let myself be nervous about something for nine whole months. i developed some coping skills (which mainly consist of telling myself to "calm the eff down!") and relaxation techniques (which mainly consist of afternoon naps in the sunshine). nights are pretty scary - i wake up every hour and something about the darkness and the shadows sends my mind reeling but i force myself to wait for morning when 'everything will be fine.'

so with my due date looming, i would say i'm actually doing okay. with every day that passes in which i maintain my sanity, i consider it a grand success.

missed the nursery pics? click here.

pregnancy 1.4 | nursery photographs

sometimes i can't help but think that putting a nursery together is like planning a wedding. it's a lot of work, and it's not inexpensive. and if you were to do it all over again - say with a second marriage or second child, you probably won't go all out the way you did the first time. 

that being said, nesting is a strong instinct and something inside of me was like: you must do this. i must admit when i found out we were having a boy, i wasn't thrilled. not because i won't be happy to have a son, but simply because when it comes to boy names, boy clothes, boy hobbies and little boy decor - i have no imagination! so i knew when i started thinking about this nursery, that it was going to be a little more neutral, and a little less cliche (and hey, a girl can dream that she might still be carrying a girl right?). 

we love love love the way this room turned out. it's the most calming space i've ever known, and it's full of art just like i wanted. even though the little sniff isn't here yet, we both love to sit in this space and enjoy the beautiful light and peaceful atmosphere.

when you enter the room, there's a beautiful rainbow painting by my friend and artist freyja zazu.

a view of the room from the doorway. we thought if we put the crib on the right side, that the baby would be less likely to wake up every time we walk through the hall, or peek inside.

needless to say i went with a very natural colour scheme and focused on white, beige, birch with hints of grey and gold. the birch was a nice compromise because jon loves light coloured wood - for this space it works.

it's kind of a bummer that all the pretty crib accoutrements are no longer recommended - but the simplicity is not only nice, it's safer.

 this is our new favourite spot in the apartment. we take turns rocking in this chair and reading books next to the window. as i mentioned in my last post, rocking chairs and gliders do not come cheap. even the least expensive ones were still two or three hundred dollars and felt very old fashioned. so we spent the same amount on this simple chair and ottoman and we love how it looks and feels. 

i stole the little basket from my parent's cottage and will use it as a moses basket when the sniff is so small.

jon found this six piece print in his mother's garage and fell in love. it's the story of a papa and baby bear and depicts a sweet and silly bedtime routine.

we didn't want the room to feel chaotic but a little colour seemed necessary so we put these books and toys on display on the shelf. in the uppermost right box you can see all of jon's model cars he has built over the years! the blue animals on the bottom shelf include some that jon had when he was little. more detail notes below.

we are so obsessed with this dresser. back in january we weren't even ready to buy anything for this room but the dresser was being discontinued so we snapped it up. it's so cool and mid century modern. even though it's white and might get dirty i'm hoping it will last beyond it's changing table gig and into future years. all of the baby's clothes and linens are in here since jon is bogarting the closet.

i've always wanted to hang a collection of prints like this. i spent a lot of time on etsy picking out a collection of calligraphy and woodland themed images. from left to right:

i'll eat you up | oh baby | my deer | fox | be brave | you are loved | fawn and doe

this last piece on the wall is not a print but a drawing by jessica gowling from nature's my friend. i wanted a special image to commemorate becoming a mother and this matching doe and fawn print is perfect. when we lived in victoria we saw deer often in our neighbourhood and it was always so magical to come across a mother and baby.

jon and i picked out this pillow together (he wanted lots of bears, i wanted lots of deer, lol). i wasn't impressed with society 6, but i love the graphite design by sandra dieckmann.

jon bought these blocks years ago and has been using them to send me on holiday scavenger hunts. it seems an appropriate transition to give them to our son. the mini artworks are by friends amber petersen and mary anne tateishi.

i love this fun and old school take on stuffed animals. the colourful woodblock printed fabric plushies were given to us by our friend alex and created by laura frisk.

one of my favourite details in the nursery is this beautiful vintage bambi lamp painted by my mother in law. it was given to jon's older brother as a gift when he was young and it's so cool to think it's still around and will delight out little one. 

we were so lucky to receive multiple handknitted blankets. the white and blue one is from a sweet elderly client at jon's workplace in victoria. the blue one was created in england by my old university roommate. the grey one above is done in a stunning seed stitch my my friend shawna.

one of my favourite parts of this nursery are these adorable illustrations by the artist i work for, ted harrison. they were developed as part of a sweet little book he wrote about his dog entitled "maggie's magic dream."

the final detail of the nursery is a mobile we made using embroidery hoops. i already had all of the supplies on hand so it was incredibly inexpensive and it looks really modern. jon wouldn't let me put it over the crib though...

item sourcing:
(for artwork sources, see images above)
dresser | bookshelf | rocking chair | crib | floor lamp | trash bin | mobile tutorial | crib and changing pad sheets | shelf boxes and organizers | rug | laundry bin | diaper baskets | nursing pillow | frames: ikea, walmart and home sense

pregnancy 1.3 | a.k.a. why are baby clothes and products so ugly?

i hope the title doesn't offend you. and if it makes you feel better - i didn't actually write it.

how often does something have to be googled for google to start recommending it as an auto fill? because if you type "why are baby clothes..." into the search engine, "flame retardant" and "expensive" are closely followed by "why are baby clothes so ugly?" and following that? more variations on this apparently age old query including "why are baby boy clothes ugly?" and the more strongly worded "why are baby boy clothes so ugly?" i feel better now knowing many mothers have asked this before i.

since i'm being so forthcoming, i might as well jump right in and preface this post with a disclaimer. first of all - i am not a mother yet. i am thirty eight weeks pregnant but i'm not sure that qualifies me to rant and rave. so i'm fully aware that i currently maintain the hopes and dreams of a future mother who thinks maybe it's possible to have a baby and not have the baby's stuff take over my life and my home in a really colourful, plastic, disney character kind of way. i'm sure i'm disillusioned.

i also want to say that i am so grateful for all of the things people have gifted to us as we approach this big milestone in our lives. the other day i actually caught myself saying to a friend "oh sure, have a baby before you get married - at least it's cheaper!" she looked sort of surprised and i realized that the only reason i'm not feeling overwhelmed by all of the costs associated with bringing a child into this world is because of the overwhelming generosity of our friends and family.

and thus, all of these opinions are my own...and chances are i'll be at walmart at 11 pm one month from now shelling out whatever it takes to bring home one of those plastic bouncer monstrosities if it means my baby will stop crying.

_________________________________________________________

so the other day my husband and i popped into carters/osh kosh, target and babies r us. my eyes were sort of blindsighted by all of the colours and prints (turns out the neon trend extends to children's clothing as well!). try as i might i couldn't find anything plain or simple. everything was too colourful, too cutesy, and had an endless amount of sayings plastered on it. perhaps the most disconcerting aspect however was the clear delineations between the genders. most of the boys clothing featured trucks, skulls, sports, and sharks. most of the girl's clothing was pink, and had hearts, kittens, and butterflies on it. and don't even get me started on sayings like "i'm a princess."

boys like kittens too! girls play sports!

but beyond that, there was a real disposable quality to the pieces, and a serious lack of design and even comfort. when i landed head first in the google search "why are baby clothes so ugly" it was because i was actually trying to search "why are baby clothes colourful and graphic?" i typed lots of variations on this idea, hoping to do some research. i thought that perhaps babies really thrive when they are immediately surrounded by colour and prints. but i found nada on this clothing subject no matter how i typed it.

i did find this hilarious thread.

details

why do baby and kid clothes have to be so standard, stereotypical and graphic? why can't they have beautiful little details like the ones below? these pieces are simple but still express a sense of personality. see those adorable miniature man overalls? that pointed cap on the grey sweater? and how elegant are those booties and cardigan? i think there is something to be said for dressing babes in clothing that is understated - and lets their own cuteness and personality do the talking (rather than their "little hunk" t-shirt). 

clockwise 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

prints

but hey, if we have to do prints, why don't we celebrate real artists, real art and simple (non gendered) graphics? the black jumper below is such a fun and visually pleasing way to play with numbers. the castle onesie is a fresh rendition on the ubiquitous prince and princess theme, and the organic floral is hand illustrated (oh, and i love this bear print by artist miia kajaani!)

clockwise 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

comfort

just because i want to look at well designed pieces doesn't mean i'm willing to forgo my child's comfort.  i think these pieces below are aesthetically pleasing but are also soft, comfortable and easy to roll around in (i wouldn't mind that grey button up for myself! lol).

 clockwise 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

while were on the subject of ugly baby stuff...i feel i would be remiss not to mention some of the following items - strollers, bouncey chairs, rockers, play pens, and high chairs. i apologize in advance as i refuse to post images here of the version of these items that i dislike - so i'll just post the good stuff and link to the others instead. 

i can't get into toys right now - that would require a post all on it's own!

here's a great post on apartment therapy entitled: do non-hideous baby bouncers & swings exist? (i'm loving these titles and searches people!). the section that stuck with me was this "readers will say, and it's true, that babies don't care how ugly it is and that what's important is that it's fun and stimulating to them. i partially agree, but then why do we care about design at all? design is more than function. not to mention the issue of using sustainable materials." he really says it better than i ever could. just because it's for babies doesn't mean we have to give up so completely on design. these items have to be in our home the same as everything else.

final disclaimer: i realize that all of these items (including the gorgeous clothing pictured above) is expensive. most of it is also made in europe. all i can say is, aside from leaving prams with babies outdoors, they've definitely got the right idea!

below are some pieces i love that are unavailable to me for reasons of cost, shipping, location...and my husband - who couldn't give a shit about any of this ;) the version that is available to me (nay, being thrust upon me) is linked below that.

see all my fantasies on my little sniff pinterest board here.

nursery photos coming soon!

pretty via

ugly via

i just love european "prams" - if i still lived on vancouver island where the weather is always generous and it barely snows, i might have fought for something like this. as it is, i can only argue with my lovely husband so much - and he wanted a jogging stroller (which is something that makes more sense for ontario anyways). and so in the end what we chose is really no different from the ugly version i've linked to above.

pretty via

ugly via

we chose the baby bjorn balance bouncer because it turns out my greatest fear in life is not drowning, it's something like this. but this bloom coco version above is absolutely stunning! the idea behind these chairs is that the baby's own motion encourages the seat to rock. back in the days of yore babies survived just fine without rainbow coloured fisher-price plastic so that's what i'm banking on. baby can hang out here while i shower, do the dishes and pack art prints for my work at home job. 

pretty via

ugly via

pretty, ugly, they are all expensive. okay, the glider versions like the one above are really expensive. i'm really happy with the one we chose though and i can't wait to share some images with you.

pretty via

ugly via

when it comes to play pens, there aren't very many modern options (i'm sorry, they don't call them that anymore. pack and play, play yard, travel crib are the suggested terms - i'll use them all below :). the concept of the one above is interesting because it's really more like a crib. for the first three-six months it's my understanding that the baby should sleep in our room with us. so we are going to set up a pack and play and let him sleep in there...but this has kind of inspired me to just bring the crib into our bedroom. yes, it will be a bummer to take a key piece out of the nursery but the thought of having to share a room with a play yard for six months is a real bummer in itself. the nicest one i could find though is this baby bjorn travel crib.

pretty via
ugly via

glad i don't have to deal with this yet.

longest blog post ever! congratulations for making it to the end.

pregnancy 1.2 | a limerick

an ode to pregnancy symptoms
by kaitlyn webb patience

last summer we discovered some very exciting news
had we been paying attention, we might have seen some clues
though we hadn't known
you had already grown
inside of me... and this was no comical ruse

it was hard to believe you were nestling in snug
most of the time i just felt i had a bug
always needing food
though not always in the mood
you were demanding, and i'd yet to even spy your mug

now that so many months have passed
and boy has it gone fast!
i can honestly say
with each passing day
that i love love love you, and even the weight i have amassed!

there's just a couple things i would like to discuss
nothing too serious, i don't mean to put up a fuss
i won't lie though, i am going crazy
and it's all cause of you little baby!
so here are the symptoms that always make me cuss

this tingle i'm feeling in my feet and my fingers
comes on quick and tends to linger
they've all gone numb
right down to my thumbs
you steal my blood and it's like a lightening zinger

during the day i can smell from here to bombay
perfumes, body odour and what everyone ate
but at night my senses are lopped
and my nose shuts up shop
suddenly i've become a mouth breather...yay!

many other symptoms abound in the night
every thirty minutes i'm up with a fright
leg cramps, heartburn
backache and urine
all are exhausting and feel not quite right

rolling out of bed in the morn, is a monumental task
it feels like i've swallowed a whiskey filled flask
edema in my feet
dizziness ain't so sweet
my swollen face looking like a halloween mask

as you grow and grow, you take up more room
looping your legs in my ribcage, just like a loom
my breath becomes short
or so my diaphragm reports
and your constant kicking is bruising my womb!

but perhaps the worst, is the urgent need to pee
i feel bad for people who are talking to me
i'm gone in a flash
to the washroom i dash
only to present a teaspoon of wee

but alas, when all is said and done
i can hardly wait to meet you my son
it's just a few weeks
for the comfort i seek
it will all be worth it, when out of the oven pops a bun.

pregnancy 1.1

jon and i are away at the cottage for a little "babymoon" as my best friend calls it. i'm assuming that's like a honeymoon, except you take it before the big event, not after.

death to stock

can we talk about "movement" today? i use the term movement because i think i'm officially past the "kicking" stage (well, mostly). doctors and midwives never really refer to it as kicking anyways. perhaps they have some concerns about pregnant ladies feeling sort of antagonized by the child inside them when one uses a term such as kicking. regardless, the descriptor lives on in the mouths of women, forums and friends.

whatever you call it - i don't think i'm loving it anymore. in fact i'm trying to pinpoint a time frame in which i actually did love the movement. there may have been sporadic moments here and there where i was amazed - still am really. there's no doubt that feeling a baby inside you is an experience to say the least.

and i waited anxiously for it! at the fifteen week mark i started to pause throughout my day and try to feel...something...anything. but alas it wasn't until about twenty weeks that i could feel it, and about twenty-six that i could see it. it took even longer for jon to feel it and see it.
but in so many ways - the anxious wait for "movement" reminds me of so many other things that young women wait/hope for (before realizing of course that said momentous occasion is not nearly as spectacular or enjoyable as we'd hoped).

all of the women on the what to expect baby forums talked about what an incredible experience it was to feel their baby move. many called it a blessing, others said it made them less anxious to know their fetus was happy and healthy. some say it feels like butterflies, still others describe it like popping popcorn. my friend asked me what it felt like and i said "it feels like there is a little human inside me, pushing out with all of his might." it's cool, but also super weird.

but here's my big secret that no one seems to want to talk about - baby kicks hurt! and you know what hurts more? movement! after about six or seven months there isn't enough room for him to actually kick or karate chop so it's relegated to more stretch like movements. which means this little sniff will take his foot (i'm assuming it's a foot?? that's another thing, i really have minimal clues as to what anatomy is where) and push...push...push...outwards. and just for fun he'll hold it there until i literally feel the need to take my hand and push it back in. oh and my favourite is when he takes all his limbs (here i'm certain  it's all unless he has four feet) and presses them all out at once. it makes me think of da vinci's vitruvian man. which, on the upside might mean my son has taken in interest in art! but on the downside it's so completely uncomfortable! when he does it for hours on end i have trouble thinking, talking to people and concentrating on any task at hand.

death to stock

to take the edge off i have four ways of combatting the pain (yes, pain! it hurts people!). sometimes i laugh. it is funny, and at times it is surprising. other times i channel the what to expect woman in my head and say aloud "what a blessing you are little one!" and when jon is around i place his hand in just the right spot and try to imagine it through his eyes. sometimes he laughs and is surprised too.

most of the time i just curl up on the couch and do nothing at all.

pregnancy 1.0 | nursery picks

eight weeks away from my 'due date' (quotations infer my skepticism) and we are getting closer to creating a place for this little sniff to come home to. i shared some nursery ideas here, but as we do more research, look at prices and visit brick and mortar stores, it seems inevitable that the vision will end up a bit differently. and it all began with a dresser...

while visiting ikeas (mainly for frames, but also to look at cribs and dressers), we found the mandal. we knew we wanted a piece of furniture that was far more functional than a changing table. when we saw this cool retro style dresser, we both found ourselves drawn to it. i wanted something white and jon has a penchant for birch wood (a wood which i find can look very cheap, unless incorporated into the right design). we wanted more time to think about it, but the line was being discontinued so we took the plunge and are so happy with our choice! 

honestly speaking, buying a 500-1500 dollar crib was never an option for us. jon threatened offered to build one - which was an idea i wasn't wholly comfortable with. so after reading excellent reviews of ikea cribs online, feeling them in person, and understanding the stringent nature of both european and canadian children's product safety laws - we chose the hensvik crib.

it wasn't our intention to decorate jackson's room like an ikea catalogue - but i've always liked their products, the modern aesthetic and the prices are often hard to beat. and we do understand that kid's furniture is going to get pretty dirty and beat up (another reason not to spend thousands!).  we're excited to get white drawers and cupboards for this storage unit and hide away all the baby goodies and some of our own books.

there is basically zero free floor space in our living room and so i keep thinking about laying the baby out in his room...playing with him etc. but even with a blanket down i think the floor might be too hard. i would love to have a bit grey carpet like this one from target.

trying to find a rocking chair or glider has been such a challenge. why? because they are all SO expensive. there are some white twill rocking chairs and gliders from pottery barn that i love, and also some stunning armchair gliders from smaller high end baby websites like land of nod (which is what i really wanted). there are also some really cheap options that look like something from the 80's - but i know that will aesthetically drive me nuts. the outrageous prices have kept me searching and i think this ikea rocker + ottoman will be the perfect solution. the reviews are pretty great and it looks good too.

just a nice soft, inexpensive ikea paper lamp so as not to shock the little sniff's sensitive newborn eyes.

okay, so sometimes you agree to things because you love someone. this workstation for kiddos is one of those situations. jon gets points at his bank for doing upsell extra tasks and he's been eyeing and gushing about this little wood working play station for a month now - but we both agreed it was silly to buy something and then store it for a long time. i told him that as long as his hid the small pieces for a couple years, he could get it and we'd display it in the nursery. he's thrilled so that makes me happy.