pregnancy 1.5 | anxiety

i want to talk about anxiety. mainly because it's a feeling i've been trying to avoid for about a month now (before that i spent eight months just trying to convince myself i was pregnant). i actually had a weird bout of it back in february but it didn't feel related to the impending labour...it felt like more of a general overall anxiety. we were away for a long weekend getaway at the time so maybe i was just subconsciously nervous about being away from home.

when it comes to me + upcoming events, i always put more pressure and emphasis on the waiting then the actual event. dinner parties, job interviews, dentist appointments, exhibition openings...even if it's nothing to be nervous about and my mind is at ease, my body tells me otherwise and i'm always full of butterflies beforehand.

when it comes to pregnancy though, i knew i couldn't let myself be nervous about something for nine whole months. i developed some coping skills (which mainly consist of telling myself to "calm the eff down!") and relaxation techniques (which mainly consist of afternoon naps in the sunshine). nights are pretty scary - i wake up every hour and something about the darkness and the shadows sends my mind reeling but i force myself to wait for morning when 'everything will be fine.'

so with my due date looming, i would say i'm actually doing okay. with every day that passes in which i maintain my sanity, i consider it a grand success.

missed the nursery pics? click here.

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