musings | fragility

i've been feeling very fragile lately. i know it's not a very happy topic buti've just been feeling so broken: emotionally, physically, psychologically...

it started about a month ago - suddenly things got really busy at work and i began to have trouble sleeping. then i went away (always stressful to me!) and felt sick the whole time. my mother thought i was preggers but it turns out that's not it. i'm still actually trying to pin down whether i was really sick or whether it was a psychological or emotional thing. don't you find it's hard to tell sometimes? or maybe our mental stresses really do result in physical issues.

next i developed an infection - which i had to treat with pills. pills which had annoying rules like no dairy or sun. and then i got that allergic reaction thing - mostly likely to said pills but who really knows?  and then we had some deaths in our family which i didn't take very well. particularly hard was the part where i had to avoid crying because i couldn't rub my eyes (refer to above mentioned allergic reaction in which rubbing/scratching=hives).

on top of it all - i still don't have a job lined for after my current one ends this month - which is a total headache!

so i don't know...it just feels like everything is really heavy and has been for awhile. i want to be light and free and healthy!! i'm crossing my fingers that things begin to turn around...


  1. I'm so sorry my dear :( I definitely have my moments where I feel like this, and it is no fun at all. I hope you get some good news soon, and that you feel better!

    Sending lots of love and hugs your way...


  2. Juliana15.8.12

    Sorry you're going through this :( I know you will make it through the tough times you are having. Keep strong!

  3. We take our health for granted, until we don't have it. I went through something a bit similar once, a horrible allergic reaction followed by this steroidal cure which gave me so much nervous energy I couldn't even sit still to read a book, or sleep properly, or shut up!
    But eventually it all passes, and then you can look forward to that time when you're just happy to be healthy again and you feel wonderfully alive. I hope that happens soon for you.

  4. i think we've all managed to feel this way from time to time. i think it's important to allow ourselves to feel broken if we feel broken. sometimes we need to let that stuff out. at least for a week or two - then if we still feel that way, there is professional help (and friends too btw!), because if i've learned anything this week, life is too short to to stay feeling icky for too long. of course, feeling sick makes it way worse. when i had my appendix out and was stuck indoors and mostly alone last summer for 2 and a half weeks, i felt the same way. heavy. sad. broken. it helps to get out.

    ...i am sorry you're feeling crap. let me know if i can do anything (see afore mentioned friend commment). xoxoxo


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