musings | a first year of marriage

i know i just wrote about our seven year anniversary last month but yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. as i mentioned on twitter, i surprised jon with a trip to a little chalet two hours up island. he was so befuddled when i told him that he wasn't working and neither was i! it was also his birthday on the day we left which was nice.

some people have whole blogs about being a newlywedd but here on isavirtue - my love life is not the main subject matter. so that means on special days like this i get free reign to brag/complain right?

whether or not you just nodded your head, i'm going to talk about what the first year of our marriage has been like. i've noticed a couple really important things about marriage: the first being that if you've already been together for a considerable amount of time before the vows - and have even lived together,* then nothing changes. it's crazy but true. everything is exactly the same (except of course, you may have a good amount of debt now to deal with - the real test of a marriage!). the second thing is that just like your relationship - you as an individual remain the same too. i guess i just expected to feel more grown up but i don't - i still feel just like me. and he feels like him, and we feel like us.

there was a distinct period of six months where i felt that there was even more love for each other as usual (if that is possible, lol). it did feel like our partnership was a bit stronger and we were more in sync. but i think a lot of those feelings were based on the fact that we no longer had the following stresses:

one | me waiting for him to propose.
two | planning the wedding after he proposed.

this year has certainly had its ups and downs but truly i didn't find it to be different that any other year in our lives together. which leads me to the astrix:

* i do believe couples need to live together before they get married. i know that religion and morals and parents prevent this from being possible for some people but in my honest opinion i think it's really important. when jon and i first moved in together (at this point we had been dating for three point five years), things were so hard. we loved that we had our own place but living together was different than anything else. even though we had stayed at each other's places before (for single and multiple days in a row) and had been away on vacation together - it's just different. you notice all of your partner's habits and you have to figure out how to deal with them without arguing every single time. for example:

one | jon has a habit of cutting the top off of packaging and/or cans and leaving it on the counter despite the garbage and or recycling being very close by. he also insists on the bed being made before either of us gets into it. both of these things (and more) drive me crazy and to be honest i used to yell at him about it.

two | my bad habits include forgetting to close cupboards and drawers and never filling up the cold water jug in the fridge after i pour myself a glass. this makes jon go insane and while he never yells at me - he will get very exasperated and even stop talking to me when he is upset.

here's something funny: we both still do all of these things (and more!) but we have learned to deal with it in various ways. but having to encounter all of these (seemingly silly but actually incredibly annoying) things right after you get married? well, i can only imagine that you would think marriage sucks!

it doesn't. but it's not something to rush into and there are certain things that can be done in preparation for such a partnership. i love my husband to the end of the earth and back** and i'm so glad we get all of this time together to work on our issues!

i love you jon - happy anniversary.

** not possible...the earth is round. and as such, my love for him is never ending.


  1. Very wise words. Happy Anniversary!

  2. oh man, i wish people would talk about small things that aggravate them about their partners... okay, that sounds silly now that i've typed it out. i just mean, i just don't think people talk enough about how difficult cohabitation can be! i love my boyfriend very, very much but, man, some things he does drive me nuts (like not throwing things in the trash like you mention. i go bonkers!). anyways, this is just to say, thank you for the post and happy anniversary!

    1. whoops. didn't see i typed that twice :)

  3. Happy anniversary!!!

    I can't believe people actually marry without having lived together? That would be crazy!

    Oh I couldn't live with you, leaving drawers open and not refilling the jug :D My house mates rarely bring out the rubbish...i know not the same as married but hey I lived with one for nearly 7 years now.

  4. Aw! Happy anniversary! My husband I and lived together before we got married also. The biggest problem? Using up toilet paper too quickly, ha! I completely agree about feeling as if you're still just...you. I loved dating him, but I love marriage so much more.

  5. You sound like my hubby, leaving cabinet doors & drawers open drives me crazy! But my OCDish tendencies to put everything away ( sometimes in places he can't find-- a downfall of us moving all the time ) drive him crazy. But we've learned to laugh at the quirks that drive us insane about each other. And laughter, I believe, is a key ingredient to a happy & successful marriage. Happy anniversary!


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