musings | on doing nothing

last night jon asked me "why are you just wandering around the apartment? are you looking for something?" and i said "no, i'm just trying to find something to do. which...is apparently the story of my life now." 

i sit here on a wednesday afternoon, alternating between reading, napping and looking at postings in the arts. i'm not quite sure what to do with myself. on the one hand i am feeling a distinct sense of freedom because my younger brother lent me his car for a bit. i could go anywhere! i could do anything! on the other hand i feel strangely trapped in this small new apartment. 

some relief came just a little while ago when i learned that our belongings would soon be here. perhaps with a couch, some actual surfaces, beautiful art on the walls and all of my craft supplies, i might feel motivated to actually do something. i've always been very good at making tasks and to do lists for myself. though in most instances the things i've needed to do have held some semblance of urgency - whereas now nothing does. so i do nothing.

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