17.9.13

pregnancy 0.3

this is a subject that i've been thinking about often lately so i think it would be beneficial to talk it out. and when i'm not thinking about it - someone is asking me:

"have you found work yet?"
"any luck with a job?"
"what are you going to do after you move?"

and other variations of the same question i have been asking myself over and over. it truly was a big decision to move because i always knew that by the time i arrived in ontario - i would be showing. and realistically speaking, what are the chances that someone in a career type field will hire someone they know is pregnant? would i even hire me?? well of course i would! but i know me. i know that i'm in the low percentage of people in this field who is legitimately passionate about it. i know that i am creative, hard-working and i truly care about how art can affect people.
plus it would feed that feminist part of me that knows i need a career in something i love in order to feel fulfilled in my life. and what a relief it would be to know i had my foot in the door somewhere - somewhere to go back to after a maternity leave. i know that a child will feed my soul in ways i can't even imagine at this point - but i still feel strongly that i personally need to be working outside the home.

i realize i should settle for something that doesn't really make me happy. people do that all the time! that for a short while i should serve, or work in retail. but maybe i'll get lucky:

while interviewing with my current art gallery employer, i told her i would likely be leaving the province in five months. when she called later she said "we realize you won't be with us for very long, but we think having you for that short amount of time will be worth it." i re-write this here not to sound cocky, but to remind myself that if she felt that way, maybe i can find someone else who does as well?

anyways, here's hoping.

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