musings | divorce (the conversation)

this week on the conversation with amanda de cadenet on lifetime, amanda and lady gaga spoke about divorce. you may be interested to know that lady gaga does not believe in divorce. during the interview, she states that once she finds her mate - that's it for the rest of her life!

there is almost no divorce in my extended family. and after thirty years together, i'm certain my parents still love and respect each other. i never had to grow up listening to fights ("discussions" yes, fights, no). i never had to shuttle my pj's and homework from one home to another. i've always felt secure in my nuclear family (plus two extra boys). whether because of my lack of first hand experience, or in spite of it, i am not opposed to divorce.

i can hear my husband putting his hands over his ears and going "la la la la la..." let's just say that jon and lady gaga share the same beliefs about the big "D" word. but i'm really not against it. although my parents are still together and faithful - i've seen them face some seriously difficult challenges. and sometimes a couple is unable to withstand said challenges while still maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with each other. and i'm also open minded to the fact that life changes people. we encounter new things and sometimes become very different people. i'm open to change, and i do hope that my husband and i experience new things and grow as human beings. but i can honestly say that i love who he is now and should his personality change so dramatically...or if we cannot retain our partnership through tragedy or sickness or...god forbid he decided he would prefer a relationship with someone else - then i definitely want the option.

i've always felt that way about divorce. but all that being said - i should also mention that the longer i am married, the more i really don't want it to come to that. i so enjoy the time that jon and i spend together. and oftentimes i look at him and think about how happy i am that he is a part of my life. and to be honest - i can't even fathom it being any other way!


  1. well said, sister.

  2. I really believe it varies. Some people, whether they're parents or not, should be divorced. My boyfriend's best friend's parents are divorced, and they were very childish with one another. Now they've finally split up, things are better for everyone. I don't believe that just because you have children, people believe you shouldn't get divorced. If you're going to argue with eachother in front of the child and are unable to put it to one side for the sake of your kid, then no, you shouldn't be together. I believe that shuttling a child from one home to another is better than forcing them to watch or hide as their parents argue. Not for EVERY kid, no, it varies from person to person, but I think, if you're not happy (a lifetime can be a long time) then get divorced. Not to sound selfish or anything, but it's your life too, just because you've had kids, I don't feel it's right to COMPLETELY put your life on hold. Though I am a little opposed to the idea of divorce and then parading your new partners around in front of the kids.

    Those are my views and I respect you for posting yours online. It's not as touchy a subject as abortion or religion, but it's still a subject that upsets people. I'm with you 100% ^^

  3. Anonymous26.9.12

    I wanted to say thank you for such a refreshing perspective on the topic. While I recognize the goal is to commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life, I've realized as I've gotten older that there's a lot of gray area where I once believed were black and white. Life is all about learning and everyone has a different path to it. While I'm not sure accepting that there are gray areas pertaining to this topic would have made my journey any easier, I do know that the shift from seeing black and white was one of the most arduous things I've had to personally confront.

    1. thank-you so much for your feedback on this point. i think we share some of the same views and you've made some good points - everything is not black and white!


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