this week i received my new driver's license in the mail. my license doesn't actually expire until my birthday in november, but i had to get a new one because i finally changed my last name. sort of. after one year and one month of being married, i finally got around to taking my husband's name. sort of.
so, if you're new to this blog, my last name is patience. as in... "patience is a virtue"... as in "isavirtue." don't worry, i'll wait while it all pieces itself together in your mind.
so it's a pretty great last name if i do say so myself. and i'm allowed to say that because i didn't even know it until i was much much older. so i've really only started enjoying the name in the last five-ten years. i began loving it so much i indirectly named my shop and business after it!
so i couldn't just give it up right? some would say i could - or that i should! luckily my husband wasn't one of those. don't get me wrong, i'm pretty sure he would have been thrilled if i took his last name completely. but i didn't - i took it in addition to my own. webb patience. his name before mine, no hyphen.
i'm going to be honest with you and tell you that it was 80% aesthetics (i don't like his last name at all. i don't like the way it looks or the way it sounds). but 20% of me just didn't get why i should have to get rid of a last name that i've lived with for twenty-six years! i don't consider myself to be a full blown feminist but sometimes i look at these traditions and think "why?"
would it be totally unheard of for the man to take the woman's name? i know my husband wouldn't even entertain that idea. he said it had to do with the fact that his brother has a little girl, and now he's done having kids. "so how will the webb name live on without me??" he asked. and i said "sweetie, i think there's more than enough webbs in the world already." but patience's? not so much.
i get the whole family unit/unity thing. i really do. so for that reason, our children will take his last name. though i'm not opposed to giving a girl my last name as a middle name.
so what do you think? did i do the right thing? what did you do when you got married and why? if you are not married, how do you imagine that you will handle this situation?
I totally get where you're coming from. I think you did the right thing. My boyfriend and I joke about getting married and whose name to take, and time and time again he keeps saying he'd take mine. That's fine with me, I struggle to pronounce his as it is and it's been two years!
ReplyDeleteBut if you've lived with your name all your life and you don't want to give it up, why should you? We live in a time now where we're not tied down to traditions like that as strongly as we used to be. Some people and in-laws don't like that kind of thinking, but they're not the ones who have to suddenly adjust to writing something different like that.
I can't say I love my name. It's terribly orange, and I don't like orange, but at the end of the day, I think I'd keep it happily. Well done for you for actually taking his name in some form, however! And to be honest, I hate hyphens.
I think you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I too have an unusual surname (Abberley) and I like the way my first name, middle name and surname end in 'Y'.
ReplyDeleteMy 3 sons have their fathers' surnames, and hyphenating 2 longish surnames doesn't sit well with me.
My solution? I choose not to get married! I have no desire to be a bride,and since I already have children, there isn't that huge traditional vibe going down either.
I love the romance you have in your life, and would do the same as you if I did get married. Your name is beautiful, why change it?
i love your last name and that you kept it! i agree there are too many webbs in the world!
ReplyDeletehowever if i ever got married i would take the guy's last name..... there are way too many smiths in the world and i always wanted a unique last name!
it's very interesting to read about this from a perspective, not a feminist blog or practical wedding. just totally your thoughts. i really like what you chose to do with your last names, non-traditional, personal.
ReplyDeleteto answer your question, would it be totally unheard of for the man to take the woman's name? no. i read about this at the sites mentioned before.
i love the idea of including your last name as your kid's middle. that gives them the option in choosing which to use as they get older.