12.3.12

musings | anxiety

while i touched on this a little bit here, today seemed a perfect day to discuss the dreaded feeling of anxiety. last summer jon noticed a little mole just below my left ear. that isn't all that abnormal since i have them all over my body, but this one is black. he seemed concerned and finally, after two months of his concern, i finally made an appointment - for december! (it was the nearest date available). after the doctor looked at it, they booked me in for a biopsy - in march! the procedure is today and although i have total faith that it will be fine and painless - i know i will be anxious.

last thursday i created a new resume and went to drop it off but the place was closed. the next opportunity i have to drop it off before the deadline is tomorrow - right before my appointment. double whammy anxiety!

here's how anxiety works for me: while my mind is totally calm, my body disagrees. i cannot stress this enough. in my head i am totally collected. it doesn't matter how prepared i am, how excited i am, or even how many times i've been in a similar situation. my mouth gets dry, my body feels hot, and my stomach is always upset! even on my wedding day, my friends told me that i was disturbingly calm, but for a number of hours i had a literal pain in my heart. why does it have to be like this? just for once i would love for my body to follow in step with my mind. because i feel then like i could do anything, handle anything that is thrown at me - and no doubt i would feel more confident!

what type of symptoms do you feel when you are anxious? can anyone relate to this?

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9 comments:

  1. Don't worry about the mole, I have removed four and it's definitely painless! And I'm sure it's fine, the last one I removed was because it was very dark, but it turned out to be nothing! I think it's more likely to be melanoma if it changes shape. Keep an eye on your moles though, especially after you've been on holiday. But you really have nothing to be worried about, although I know how you feel! I also get upset tummy and feel hot when I'm anxious, it's a pain in the butt :)

    Hugs,
    Lisa

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    1. thanks for the kind words lisa and the sage advice. if only i went on holiday more often...lol. you're right, i'm sure it will be fine, i just don't like the idea of my face or neck being frozen!

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  2. hope it all goes well!

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  3. I'm sure it will be fine, I have had about a million moles removed (well, maybe about 9!). Hope it goes well.

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    1. a million whew! you must be exhausted, lolol

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  4. i get hot and flushed and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. (this is usually when it comes to asking/ telling something). doesn't show up as much in waiting situations.

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    1. jealous! (not about the hot and flushed part obviously, that's the worst too!)

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  5. When I get up in front of people, I have terrible anxiety! My audience always says I'm really calm and seem like I must have been a teacher in a past life. But my heart is pounding, I'm hot all over, and there better be time for a bathroom run right before I go up, because my stomach is in knots. Next semester, I have to take speech -oh lordy!

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thanks for your comment, i love hearing your thoughts!