sent to his email account:
This month I go back to work. I'll be honest with you - I was very excited at the prospect! But then hypothetical became reality and now I shudder at everything I am going to miss when I am away from you. What comes to mind first are the big milestones. I've watched you learn to roll over, crawl, sit up. i was right there the first time you did each of those things! But what about when you start to cruise? walk? say your first word? Will I be away when that happens? Is it just as good to see a second or third step or to hear you say "ball" for the fourth time? Will you cry for me? Will you remember me?
But I'll miss the smaller moments too. Falling asleep with you in my arms and the pillows surrounding us like a fort. Watching you wake up and seeing you smile when you recognize my face. Going for long walks in the sunshine and listening to the leaves sway, the brooks babble and the cicadas hum. There won't always be time for these things.
It's been just you and me for five and a half months. Yes, Papa was there at night, and on his days off. But you and I were full time baby! - twenty four hours a day (literally, you only just started sleeping through the night here and there!), seven days a week.
But honestly, I think the best thing I can do for you is underline the importance of work. Not just the daily grind, contributing to society aspect - but of finding something you love and making it into a career. I want you to take pride in my passion, my motivation and my creative output. I want what I do during the time I am away to be an inspiration to you, as it is to me. You can do anything you want. I love what I do, and I love you too. Who says you can't have the best of both worlds?
See you in a bit baby.