30.10.12

musings | living with intention...or not

two years ago at this time, i was working at a job i didn't love. in fact i cried at least once a week! i was resolved to the fact that i had no control over that. i thought "well, this isn't making me happy, but what can i do about it?" 

one year ago at this time, i was working at two jobs i loved. i felt powerful and giddy because one day i had made the intentional decision to change my life. i applied for different positions and within a month my life was completely different. i felt excited, and inspired and above all in control. i was happy to go to work and ecstatic about the projects i was working on. i looked at myself and laughed and said "you silly girl - why didn't you make these changes before??" it all seemed so easy.

this year everything is different. i'm no longer working jobs where i am in charge and i feel far less passionate then i used to. it's not that i don't like my current work (and it certainly doesn't make me cry!), it's just that i've had a taste of what it's like to work at my dream, to delegate responsibilities and to wake up and say "god, i can't wait to get to work so i can finish that project/exhibition/art workshop!" 

in a way i feel sort of sad for everyone who doesn't wake up feeling like that. although i always said this to other people, now i know i have to be passionate about my job. it's totally fine to just go, and do it, and enjoy the people you work with and then go home. but it's so much better to go and love it and then go home and think about it some more. 

it doesn't seem as easy as it did before though - to change my circumstances. and goodness knows i've tried! i guess that's why i've been learning so many new crafts and skills. because that, coupled with the delightful things that surround me at work means i feel inspired again. it makes me feel like i have more control over my happiness and my time. 

i'm not sure where i'll be next year at this time, but my intention is to love it. here's hoping!

4 comments:

  1. Things will be lovely this next year! You deserve the very best. :)

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  2. Ooooh, things to think about... I just started a new job and I like it - there's opportunity and potential, but I certainly don't come home itching to keep doing things, or even thinking about it. I envy you that feeling from last year, I really don't know what it feels like! I hope next year brings the change you need. I'm sure it will!

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  3. In the progress of trying to find a job I will love... a bit scary! Think you have done fantastically!

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  4. I know that feeling so well! All we can do is just keep that memory alive and keep moving forward, hoping that we will find our way to that happiness again!

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