isavirtue | things i'm afraid to tell you

"things i'm afraid to tell you" has taken over the blog world this week. as far as i can tell, it all began with this post. you can google the term to read more posts, or visit creature comforts for a somewhat comprehensive list (i have a feeling it has grown exponentially since that post!). 

the subject of transparency comes up now and again in the blog world. do we share all of ourselves? do we only feeature the highlights of our life? comparatively, my blog is far less personal than most. friends encourage me to write more about myself and my life but if it were up to me i would just post images of cool snail mail and amazing art and write comments like "wow!" and "nifty!"

but i think this is what my blog needs, and so - without further ado: things i'm afraid to tell you! there's some big ones here because i'm going to lay it all out on the table ladies...

one | sometimes i buy brownie mix with the intention of making brownies, but instead i eat half of it straight out of the box with a spoon. and then i can't use the leftovers because i can't figure out how to alter the other ingredients to make them come out right. 

two | i never clean the areas of my home that people (including me) cannot see. 

three | i want people to want to read my blog. i want people to notice that my blog is unique. art blogs with a more personal touch seem to be few and far between and i can't understand why nobody notices this, or why so few people are interested in the subject!

four | i don't sleep very well and it's really starting to frustrate me. i never knew this was abnormal until i had a conversation about it with my husband. i literally didn't know that "sleeping through the night" was a real concept. i don't have insomnia like some people but i wake up at least four times a night, if not many more.

five | i'm am so scared of death that sometimes, when i think about it, i cannot breathe for a whole minute. i don't believe in adventure, or crazy sports, or even walking on ledges or leaning over balconies. to me none of these things seem worth it - you'll experiences minutes of excitement but possibly die.

six | i am very much ignorant of current events, politics, and the economy. i am mildly ashamed of this but i'm too open minded to feel passionately about them (yes yes except for arts cuts, i know) and for the most part they seem to depress people so do i really want to get on that bandwagon?

seven | when something upsets me i let my emotions take over immediately. i cry or say harsh things - mostly to my husband. but then ten minutes later i'm completely over it! i need to learn to just count to ten, wait it out and then deal with it...if need be. during that period i shouldn't talk to people or make phone calls or write emails.

eight | when i'm in public i am convinced that people are looking at my stomach. 

nine | i'm awful at understanding personal finances - mortgages, rrsps, debt and interest repayment. i just. don't. get. it. it doesn't seem to matter how often people explain it to me. don't get me wrong, i understand transactions and budgets and balance sheets. it's the investing and all that other stuff that confuses me. 

ten | i don't like the taste of alcohol. i hate beer, i hate red wine and only in the past couple years have i taught myself to enjoy a glass of white wine when i'm out to dinner with friends. i don't like to get drunk, or be under the influence of anything except my own sober mind. i feel sick when i get more than buzzed. i hate when people tell stories about when they got soooooo drunk...

eleven | i cannot do one thing at once. i love working on a million projects at the same time but more than that i literally need to be doing many things at the same time. i write a blog post and watch tv and cut envelopes and play tetris.

twelve | the amount of debt that we have scares me. i have to consciously stop myself from thinking about it because the stress is too much to handle.

thirteen | sometimes i am scared that i am inherently selfish. like when i split a cookie with someone, i always want to take the bigger half. (i am getting better though.)

fourteen | i do strange little things that make me think i have some form of ocd. i 'control c' three times every time!

fifteen | i hate bad spelling and grammar. not just little mistakes - everybody makes those! but when it's abhorrently bad i exit the blog, throw the resume in the garbage, ignore whatever they are trying to tell me and cringe. 

and....*publish*